im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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