Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
