Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize