forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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