; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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