it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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