remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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