the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
