I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
