It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
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The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
MIDGETS
????
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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