I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
