If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
