i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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