how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We don't watch enough power rangers
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
