In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
