its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
