he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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