I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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