is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
