u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
