Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
