BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hippo gnu deer
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
