I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
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Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
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Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
that may or may not have been my penis.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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