Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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