Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
should my penis look like a turkey
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
