I can't watch pbs sober anymore
ugly people sure do ruin things
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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