I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
