well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
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Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
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Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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