he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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