My nipple is on Facebook.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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