I think my fart just growled at me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
