I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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