Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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