your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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