omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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