God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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