Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
