Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
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this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
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The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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