As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
no. you can't hotbox the world.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
