Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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