it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
