My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
