I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
