Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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