I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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