Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How does one acquire holy water?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
