what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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