You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's shark week go big or go home
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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