there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
