I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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