You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
