he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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