He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
