Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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