His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think people are normalizing furries
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
