I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
