I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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