At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
