The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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