i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
my liver is dry heaving
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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