It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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