i think i scared a bird with my dick
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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