The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
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Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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